you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
