I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
