I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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