Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Boobs are out for the taking
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
