my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
