No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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