Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize