Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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