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I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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