Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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