Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
