It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
