I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize