just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
