dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
