Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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