Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
