roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
