One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
