It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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