My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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