so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Randomize
