I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
