Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize