I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
