you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
