It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize