i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
