You can't motorboat a personality
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
