Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
