I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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