I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize