I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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