toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
