Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
