____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
