I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
tonight lets celebrate not being married
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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