'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
