ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
