There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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