No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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