Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
