As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
