I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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