Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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