we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
whose ass print is on the piano?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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