ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
