No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Drake has all the answers
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
