my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Found your dick twin last night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
