someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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