i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
