if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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