my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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