he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just found a bag of teeth...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
