You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
