I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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