Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
