I've blown a few things in my day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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