I'm going to jail i love you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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