No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
