IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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