I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
