Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
