I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize