In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
