in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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