can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
