i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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