FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I'm really busy with my period
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