Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
