as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
