She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
