You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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