HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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