At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
