You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
