He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
