she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
3pm strippers are depressing
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
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