I heard we made out
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
