this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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