i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
