you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
did i just pee glitter
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
