Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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