That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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