they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
