So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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