i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize