I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
