dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
