You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
