No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
