THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize