Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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