Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
