Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
