ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
