have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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