I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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