My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
