I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Vodka?
Forever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
