Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
