Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
