The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
