..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
