Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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