You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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