Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize